Because of Yeshua [Jesus]

The God of Mercy

April 13th, 2009

It happened over a period of time. I didn’t even notice that it was going on. Somehow, I lost my focus. Life became a dismal drudgery. How can someone go from being a happy, positive person to being a person ready to give up?

I retired in 2005. I had looked forward to retirement for several years and walked away from my job on my 55th birthday. WOW, what a great day. A few months later, my wife and I moved to New Hampshire. We felt that God was calling us to make this move. My wife’s family was here and it just seemed like everything pointed in this direction. As we looked for a house, we were led to an area where our son had spent a summer working with a house church. I just knew that God was leading us here to be a part of the work. We were able to purchase a house close to where the house church had been meeting and not have a mortgage. God was working everything out. We were so blessed by His great mercy.

Looking back, I think it started in the winter of 2007-2008. It was the worst winter that anyone could remember here in New Hampshire. There had been other winters with blizzards and 20 below zero temperatures, but no one could remember so much snow for so long a period as we had that winter. We averaged two snow storms per week. It seemed like we only got the snow moved from one storm and another one hit us. We wound up with a total of over 130 inches of snow.

I had already gone back to work because my retirement was not enough to meet our needs. It seemed like all I did that winter was work and remove snow. By spring, I was exhausted. It isn’t an excuse but somehow I gave up my time with God that winter. It got to the point where the only time I spent with Him was to complain about how bad things had become.

I began to think about how retirement had gone all wrong. It was supposed to be one long vacation, but I was forced to go back to work. Never mind that I was only working part time, I hadn’t planned to work at all. I was going to hike and fish and travel and play golf and improve my woodworking. Well, that sure didn’t happen. I would tell myself that I had made a big mistake by retiring. If I wanted to work, I could have stayed in my government job and made much better money for my time. Do you begin to see what was happening?

The house church that I was so sure God was leading us to, didn’t exist anymore. On the day we moved in to our house, my son and I went over to surprise the folks who had started the house church and let them know that we were her to help. We pulled up in the driveway and a strange man came out of the house. We told him why we were there and he informed us that the previous owners and sold the house and moved to Florida. My wife and I began trying to find the place that God wanted us to serve. That didn’t go very well, but that is a long story.

Then, my wife’s health began to slowly go down hill. She became more and more reliant on me to help here with things. That too began to cut into my time and kept me from being able to do some of the things I wanted to do. Do you see a trend building here?

Anyway, that winter of 2007-2008, everything seemed to come crashing in on me like and avalanche. Work, the snow, lack of time, retirement not being what I had expected. Everything was going wrong. I am ashamed to admit that I began to resent my wife for “getting me to move to New Hampshire.” She got to be close to her family and I had given up everything.

Spring and summer were not much better. Things were so busy that I didn’t have time to fish or hike or play golf or any of the other things I wanted to do. Then came winter again and more snow and cold temperatures. I was almost to the end of my rope. I found myself blaming my wife (and God) for everything that had gone wrong.

Do you see what happened? Do you see where the mistake came in? I had taken my eyes off of Jesus! I had given up my time of praise and thanksgiving with the Father. Oh, I was still “going to church.” I was still doing the outward things the show how righteous I am. I was even teaching a men’s group on Saturday mornings. But. I had lost my relationship with my savior. The more that I looked inward, the more Satan was trying to blind me to the constant blessing which God was pouring on me. It was like when Peter got out of the boat to walk on the water with Jesus. “But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. ‘Save me, Lord!’ he shouted.“ (Matt. 14:30)

The most wonderful thing about God’s mercy is that He never gives up. He constantly pursues us and He kept pursuing me. Air 1 bought a local radio station and I began to listen on my way to work and on my way home. A few months ago, Matthew West put out a song called “The Motions.”

The Holy Spirit started tugging at my heart through this song. I began to realize that even though I was going through the motions, I had lost the passion for Jesus. “I” had gotten in the way. The Spirit kept working on me, even though I was still tied up in my own pity party. Somehow, this past Sunday, Easter Sunday, He broke through the walls of my self pity and brought me back. God pulled my eyes back to the cross and to Jesus. How could I have become so selfish when Jesus had given everything for me? It was as though scales fell from my eyes and I could see for the first time in such a long time. The God of mercy, my precious Jesus, had called me home once more.

I began to remember all the blessings that had come during those dark times. A new grandson had come into our lives in the fall of 2007. We had found the body that God wanted us to be a part of. He had led me to a job that I could enjoy and still be just part time. He began to show me that I could still do the things that I wanted to do and do them in a way that could bring glory to Him. He has led me into opportunities to mentor and share in the lives of others. And, He caused me to remember that He had called us to New Hampshire for His purposes. He led me to confess my feelings to my wife and ask for her forgiveness. My gracious and merciful Father has begun a healing process and has drawn me close again. Praise be to Him for his undieing love and His never ending mercy.

Maybe you have gone through (or are going through) the same type of things. Maybe life is getting you down and you can’t figure out where to turn. The God of Mercy will draw you back if you will let Him. Allow His Holy Spirit to talk to you and begin the healing process. And, know that you are not alone. I would be glad and honored to pray with you and for you. I am also willing to listen. You can e-mail me at twcheek at cheekheritage dot com. Jesus gave his life for you and God raised him from the grave. If God has that kind of power, He can help you overcome anything. Turn your eyes to Jesus.

Entry Filed under: Authenticity, Distractions, Forgiveness, TheHeart